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13.10.01

So it seems I'm Amanda's bitch.

On Thursday, a box of Bart Simpson chocolate peanut butter cereal appeared on Dave's desk, and a box of Homer Simpson cinnamon donuts cereal appeared on Marty's. We were discussing who could have done it, and narrowed the suspects down to Jesse and Amanda. So we had a trial. Amanda showed up just as we were getting ready, so I was appointed to confine the suspect in the kitchen. She tried to make a break for it, and I had to wrestle her to the ground.

Meredith was the judge, using Dave's geology hammer as a gavel. April-Lyn was the bailiff, and had us swear on the quantum physics book to "tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Schroedinger." Dave was the prosecuting attorney. I was the court-appointed defense attorney. The jury was Jeff, Mikey, Missi, and Atticus, and they were drinking all through the trial.

Amanda got off on the two counts of cereal box planting, but was found guilty of one count of rigging Dave's door with a tennis ball. She later admitted to the tennis ball charge, though she initially lied under oath about it. Perhaps Jeff was right -- as a potential English major, we should have had her swear on Shakespeare.

During the course of the defense, I brought up the Pop Tart incident. This incident occurred when I stopped at Big M and bought blueberry pop tarts for Amanda because she didn't want to go all the way downtown to get them herself. At this point Dave said "let the record show that Stenny is Amanda's bitch." I objected, citing the fact that I was going downtown anyway in order to cash a check at the bank, which is just across the street from Big M. Meredith decided to let the jury rule on this charge. They pronounced me guilty.

At this point I could potentially have appealed to a higher court (if I could find one). But then Marty remembered that he had some bitch rights over me from the orientation issue, when he kept getting me to write stories for News. So he signed those over to Amanda. So even if I wasn't her bitch before, I am now, as she has, if nothing else, the bitch rights that once belonged to Marty.

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